My guilt about Cara’s birth

I have to admit I felt a bit guilty after I found out Cara ended up with a cesarean.

When she talked about changing care providers, I certainly said she should change if she felt like it.   I even shared ideas of good care providers.

But I also nodded my head when she said something along the lines of , “but they are usually only there to catch, so they can’t matter that much.”

It is this delicate balance I walk as a childbirth educator, moms have to make their own choices.  But I learned from this that if a mom has a gut feeling her care provider isn’t a good fit, I need to really reinforce that idea.  If you don’t feel it is a good fit, you SHOULD change!

A mom’s intuition is powerful, listen!

I also felt a little guilty, because when I called at 9AM, I felt I should offer to come to the hospital to be with them. Because of that impression that if she hadn’t had her baby by 5, I knew that it was possible a cesarean would be pressured on them, I wanted to be there to help prevent that.  But I didn’t offer and I feel bad about that.

So, there is my guilt.  I have learned from it and really stress the power of intuition to moms.  I will be better are following my intuition as well!

I was thrilled to find out that Cara is happy with how her birth turned out.  It wasn’t a traumatic experience for her.  She didn’t feel pressured into any choices, and she has had a good recovery.  She was able to breastfeed and it was a positive birth overall (she really feels being able to see him be born, is a huge part of that.)

Knowing that she was ok, helped me to let go of my guilt.  But I did learn from the experience!

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3 Comments on “My guilt about Cara’s birth

  1. Hi Sheridan-

    I think it is really generous of you and your moms to share your stories to help other people see the power of their choices. I will certainly use this blog series when talking with moms about the seriousness of the choice of care provider and place of birth.

    That said, I think it is important for you to know that you don’t carry any blame for the outcome of this birth. As Hypnobabies instructors or doulas, it is not our job to save anyone from the circumstances of our students’ and clients’ births. We aren’t superheros gifted with any special powers to prevent unwanted cesareans or other interventions. The path for your students’ births were set when they attended the classes, read all the materials and remained with a care provider who they had concerns about.

    I hope you are able to relieve yourself of any guilt in this situation. You are a wonderful instructor and did a terrific job of teaching consumer-based maternity care in your class. You cannot control *what* your students do with it,

    Peace,
    Vanessa

    [Reply]

    enjoybirth
    Twitter:
    Reply:

    Thanks. I “know” that, but I did feel guilty when I found out she had a cesarean. I feel better now and I know rationally it wasn’t my “fault” But I wonder if I could have done more.

    [Reply]

  2. Hello Sheridan, I just want to say I’m so glad to have found out about Hypnobabies. I’m not planning on beeing pregnant any time soon but this really like lighted a candle of hope and joy inside me because I’ve always so scared about the pain that comes with birth that I wanted to have surgery and was really upset about how hard it is to get one (here in sweden at least). But I totally changed my mind now, and I hope this way of looking at birth gets more established here. I have not found any hypnobirthing casses in Stockholm so far but maybe there will be some in the future I hope.

    Greetings to you from Sweden!

    [Reply]

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