This is third in the Answer My Question series.

What kind of advice would you give to a couple trying to conceive (ttc)?

I guess it would depend on how long they have been trying.

If they are just starting, I would say, just relax and have fun!

If they have been trying awhile and are getting frustrated, I would suggest charting your temperature to determine when you are ovulating.  Then relax and have fun.

You may want to try hypnosis to help you stay relaxed about trying to conceive and it can maybe also help you conceive.  Google hypnosis and fertility for choices.

If after a few months of that you are still not pregnant, then I guess I would step it up a notch and get professional assistance.

Good luck!

Click here to read Angela’s Birth Story and see some great pictures.

Angela’s Birth – Sheridan’s Version

I had the pleasure of meeting Angela at a park day. She was pregnant and new to the area, so I asked if she needed an OB referral. She said she did homebirth and needed midwife referrals. You can only imagine my joy! She had also used HypnoBirthing for her last birth, so I was even more excited.

It worked out that Angela took my Hypnobabies class with Shelly and Chris (who were sort of contemplating homebirth.) I think her presence in the class helped them to finally pursue and achieve that goal. Maybe it was the “I will NEVER birth in a hospital again” comment that convinced them to call and interview midwives?

I had a fellow doula that wanted to attend a homebirth and was happy to do it for free, so Angela came to the Hypnobabies Open House to meet her, but by then I really wanted to be her doula. So I asked if I could do it instead and she said YES!  I was really excited. We both thought it would be a fast birth and we weren’t even sure if her midwife would make it. Well, as we see birth is unpredictable!

Angela called me Wednesday morning to say that she had started leaking water Tuesday night, but she just ignored it and had a good nights sleep. Wednesday her midwife Coley came and confirmed it was amniotic fluid and stayed in the area checking in with Angela throughout the day. Angela was having pressure waves off and on all day long. I was checking in now and then too.

I was supposed to host book club that night, but had warned the girls I might have to move it back a week if I had a birth. So by 5 I told them all I was postponing, so that I wouldn’t have to worry about people showing up right when Angela needed me.

Jake called me a little after 9 PM; Coley had broken Angela’s water. So I headed over getting there around 9:30. She was having pressure waves, but nothing too intense. We watched American Idol together. She went on a walk with Jake. She listened to Easy First Stage. The pressure waves would come regularly, we would get excite and then they would slow down.

We had filled the pool up (which took up half their bedroom!) and their bedroom was getting muggy and hot. So Jake, Angela and I went on a walk to get the fan. Angela would laugh after pressure waves and say, “They really do feel like a big hug!” She was managing her pressure waves beautifully relaxing through each one easily.

11:15 we talked about why maybe things were starting and stopping. Angela thought it was emotional. She was worried that it was taking too long, that things were too easy. We talked about it and then she listened to fear release and the rest of us rested.

12:45 Angela took another walk. We all took a nap from 1 – 2 AM. Angela was getting worn out and just needed a rest.

At 2 AM Angela came out in the living room and Coley and I listened while she talked about her fears. She mentions that all her other girls were born during rain storms. Jake was busy snoring away in the other room while we were talking. Then I started saying some affirmations and her pressure waves started up. They were going good, nice and strong and long. We got her on the toilet and still going good. We got the tub ready again. We thought, this is it!

Angela got into the tub around 3. Things soon slowed down again. At 4 Angela got out of the tub. She rested on the bed. Things pretty much stopped. Angela was frustrated and worried she might need a transfer. I wasn’t worried about that at all, but felt bad she felt frustrated. I was wondering if she was waiting for her girls to wake up. She had talked about how strong her bond between Maddie and Ashelyn because Maddie was there when she was born. I thought once she woke up, then Angela would have the baby.

Coley asks if Angela has a breast pump. She does, but it is packed away. I have one, so I run home at 5 am for mine.

Angela starts the pump and even after 30 minutes, not much happening. Coley says, “Keep going!” Finally her PW start again. This is really it, but when she stops pumping, then they slow down a bit, so Coley says pump a little more. Maddie is awake by this point.

6:30 Pressure waves are long and strong and close together, even with no pumping! Angela sat on the toilet while they finish prepping the tub again. She looks at me with a look that makes me know the baby is coming soon! THIS is really it.

7 – Angela gets in the tub, Jake joins her. I look out the window, it is all steamed up, I wipe some steam away and see that the ground it all wet outside. I tell her, “It is raining” That seems so right. Angela starts pushing at 7:15. 7:29 Irelyn is born! Mom and baby are doing great, Brooklyn wakes up right after the baby is born and wanders in to meet her sister!

It was an amazing birth. I am so glad that I was able to be there as Angela’s friend and doula.

I have a disclaimer:  I LOVE to read.  (I belong to 3 book clubs)  I would read a book a day if I didn’t have 3 kids to feed and play with.  So it is HUGE for me to have my boys LOVE to read too.  Not to mention it is QUIET while they read, which is a nice bonus.

1. Love the Library: There is nothing better then the public library.  Free books, lots of variety.  If you have little kids and you can put books on hold, that is a great service.  I do this and then we can go browse for books, but if Thing 3 gets a little rowdy, we just head to the front to check out our books and the ones I put on hold are up there waiting for me!  We go to the library once a week during the summer.  A great tradition to encourage summer reading!
2. Get Great Recommendations: There is nothing more inspiring then a GREAT book.  If you give a kid a lame book, there is no way they will be excited to read it.  I love Chinaberry to find the books my boys love.  Friends and book blogs are great too.
3. Read together: There is nothing better to inspire reading then reading together.  That can be something as simple as setting a reading time and everyone sits reading quietly for 30 minutes, Mom too!   But having a set read aloud time seems to work best for our family.  The big boys (ages 12 and 9) like this as much as the little one (age 4).

I have been doing these things for the last 12 years and here is how it has turned out so far.

• Thing 1 (age 12) will read anything and he LOVES to read.  He will read a 300 page novel in a day.  This has not been an easy process.  He has dyslexia and couldn’t read independently until he was 8.  We did cognitive therapy (Learning RX) and TONS of reading aloud.  I think the key for love of reading for Thing 1 was the reading aloud and books on tape, that is what preserved that love over years of struggling to learn to read and it has paid off.
• Thing 2 (age 9) is pickier, he reads slow and steady, but really needs to like a book to keep reading and finish it.  Interesting to know that he learned to read very easily.  I sometimes find it hard to inspire him to start reading a book.   One day I had a GREAT book, but he didn’t want to read it, so I said, “Let me read the first chapter to you.”  He agreed, so I did and it got him interested, he grabbed it and went to continue reading it.  (you may notice this read aloud aspect coming up a lot)
• Thing 3 (age 4) is in that pre-reading stage and I love this stage.  He is easy to please, happy to spend time sitting next to mom and listen to me read him books.  It is also great because he has big brothers who will read to him too.  He has fun going to the library and picking out books for me to read to him.

My advice to new moms, Read Aloud starting at birth!  There are awesome board books for babies.  Here are some of my favorites.

“I wrote this blog post while participating in the TwitterMoms blogging program to be eligible to get an “I Can Read!” book. For more information on how you can participate, click here.”

I love this birth video on Pacing the Panic Room.   Read what is written before and watch for Dads tears around 3 minutes, baby is born soon after.  The power that mothers have is amazing. 

I love the joy a new baby brings.

I did a project with glue dots that helped me organize our chores and family night.

The thing with boys, is nothing is really pretty, it doesn’t really help that I am not super crafty.  But the great things about glue dots is anyone can use them!  As my 12 year old said, “This is easier than glue.  I always use too much and it is messy.”

I started with a magnetic white board, magnets, colorful paper cut into squares, a marker and of course Glue Dots.  (Become their Facebook Fan here.)

Then the boys labeled their square and attached it to the magnets using the glue dots.

OK, I warned you, it wasn’t pretty.  But it works!  And no mess. 

• I followed my intuition
• I traveled half way around the world
• I drove two hours for a supportive care provider
• I used my Hypnobabies to prepare and chose to use it during the birth.
• I am so glad I didn’t settle for a repeat cesarean.

This is a great birth story of a Gynecologist who had many varied birth experiences and had a somewhat surprise VBAC after 2 cesareans.

I love how she chose to go for the vaginal birth when the opportunity presented itself!

That isn’t really exactly true, the cesareans don’t create them,  however they have found that babies born vaginally have better bacteria then those born by cesarean.

I loved this article from the News and Science Report on Baby’s First Bacteria Depend on Birth Route

A new survey finds that babies born via cesarean section had markedly different bacteria on their skin, noses mouths and rectums than babies born vaginally. The research adds to evidence that babies born via C-section may miss out on beneficial bacteria passed on by their mothers.

This isn’t really surprising (though many may be surprised to know some bacteria are beneficial!)

Babies born vaginally were colonized predominantly by Lactobacillus, microbes that aid in milk digestion, the research team from the University of Puerto Rico, the University of Colorado in Boulder and two Venezuelan institutes report.  The C-section babies were colonized by a mixture of potentially nasty bacteria typically found on the skin and in hospitals, such as Staphylococcus and Acinetobacter.

This isn’t too surprising as cesarean babies are first touched by nurses and doctors and put on a bed exposed to hospital germs, instead of being put directly on moms.

WAIT, didn’t we just see a film which showed babies being placed directly on moms after a cesarean?

YES we did. Imagine how something that simple could make such a big difference for a baby born via cesarean.

Also it shows the extra importance of skin to skin for mom and baby especially after a cesarean.

This is the first in my Wondering About Series, feel free to e-mail any questions you may have to sheridan AT enjoybirth DOT com.

I know pregnant women have a right to informed consent regarding procedures done in the hospital, and a right to refuse treatment.  Can a doctor legally refuse to treat them if the pregnant woman refuses the treatment they are recommending?

Thanks!

From what I understand they can not refuse to treat you.  From what I understand (at least in California) A doctor can not drop you within 30 days of your guess date from his care without providing a new care provider.  So in your situation if an OB was trying to force a cesarean on you, you could offer to sign an AMA form, which would probably help him feel like he would not be on the hook if things didn’t go smoothly.

I would probably research the law and print it out.  Have it handy so that if the care provider tries to refuse to care for you if you want to VBAC, you can demonstrate that they have a legal obligation to find a new care provider for you.

You may also want to get a list of the OBs who are willing to support you with a VBAC.  This way if an OB is there who doesn’t want to support you, you could pull out your list of OBs who will and say, I want one of these!

If you do the above you will be prepared in case you have a situation where you need to stand up for your rights.

Also use the power of visualization and visualize your OB being on call when your birthing time starting and having the most supportive staff there!

Here is an inspirational story of a mom who fired her OB during her birth, because he kept threatening her with a cesarean.  Remember it is your body and your babies!  You are in charge.

I was so happy to get my copy of Voices:  VBAC Women Share Their Journey by Kelly Caldwell.  I love how it starts out with “Just the Facts” about VBAC’s.  Kelly does a great job laying out the risks of having a VBAC and the risks of having a repeat cesarean in a very factual way.

Then there are the birth stories.  They are inspirational to read.  My favorite is the one where the anesthesiologist inspires the mom that she CAN have her VBAC and helps her to achieve it.  The power of care providers words are HUGE and you can see that throughout the stories.

The next section contains letters to moms preparing for a VBAC from other moms who have had their VBACs.  Then the book ends with a recommended reading list.

Overall I think Voices is a great book for a mom who wants a VBAC or even a mom who is unsure if she wants a VBAC.  It will give you good information and see others experiences to help you decide what you want.  You will see that some moms have to fight hard to have their VBAC’s, but the feeling of accomplishment is well worth the fight.

If you order your copy of Voices from Kelly in the month of June, there is no shipping!

***I would say to a mom preparing for her VBAC with Hypnobabies, the birth stories are not of moms who are comfortable during their births, indeed some are pretty challenging births.  So it may not be a book you want to read.  If you choose to read it, use your Bubble of Peace.