How do you know when you are DONE having babies?

Parker!Creative Commons License photo credit: premieroctobre

With each of my boys I had a point where I just knew it was time to have a baby.  Each time I had to ease my husband into the idea.   I was always ready before him.   But because I had the strong impression it was time, I would encourage him to pray about it and he would soon come around and agree to help make a baby.  🙂

I had PPD after Thing 2 was born, and so we waited a long time to have our third.  I just wasn’t emotionally or mentally ready for 4years.  I always KNEW we would have another baby, I just knew I needed that break between boys in order to stay sane.  It got to the point when I knew I was ready, but choosing to “try” was such a big decision.  So instead we chose to stop using birth control.  At first I was careful to avoid having sex when I ovulated, but after a few months I just really put it in the Lord’s hands and stopped thinking or worrying about it.

Then I was getting to the point where I was ready to try.  I remember sitting in Relief Society and watching the chorister who was pregnant and just feeling the overwhelming feeling of, “NOW is the time. I am ready and NOW is the time.”   I didn’t know it, but I was probably freshly pregnant at that meeting.

After Thing 3 was born we felt good, like our family was complete.  I knew I didn’t want another baby right away, but I love being pregnant and I love babies, so I just told myself, we are good for now.  Time will tell if we have another baby.   T3 is turning 5 next week and I am in this interesting position.

Most of my friends get to a point where they just KNOW they are done.  I have never felt DONE.  But is that because I love pregnancy and birth, or because I am supposed to have another baby????

My husband and I both do feel like our family is complete.  But I sort of don’t want to be done.  I love being pregnant, I enjoy birthing babies, I love the newborn stage.  I want to experience that magic again.

  • When I think and pray about if “we should try to have another baby”, that doesn’t feel right.
  • When I pray “we are done” it feels OK, but not like – YES you are done!

I think it is probably one of those things where it is up to us.

I like to stay open about it, I figure we are still having sex, even though we are using birth control we could get pregnant.  I don’t want to think “I am done” and then be shocked and “sad” if we “accidentally” get pregnant.  The last time I was praying about it, an insight flashed into my mind.  “I should just leave it up to the Lord.”  Maybe my body is done having babies and I shouldn’t TRY to have a baby.  That could be a big lesson in frustration for me.  But maybe I need to continue to be open to it and stop using birth control and just see what happens.  Turn it over to the Lord.

My husband does not like this idea.  He really feels we are done.  He thinks if we don’t use birth control, I will really be trying.  We are also getting “older”, over 40 and it scares him to be an older parent.  I think if we were 5 years younger it would somehow be easier to just go for it.

I have had a few friends have “surprise” pregnancies in their mid to late 40s, when their “youngest” was 10 or so when they got pregnant.  I keep praying, if I am supposed to have a baby, let me know, because I want to do it sooner rather than later!”  But still no answer, I really would like a solid yes or no answer!

So I don’t know the answer, I guess it is different for everyone.  As for me, I will keep on staying open and talking with my husband and as I always say, “Time will Tell.”

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16 Comments on “How do you know when you are DONE having babies?

  1. I hear you. I’m in the same boat. I love everything about babies: birthing them, nursing them, dressing them, sleeping with them, babywearing. DH says “We’re done,” but he has said that for the last 3 babies. 🙂 I guess time will tell. I can’t see myself ever saying “No more.” I can’t help myself! I want them!

  2. I feel like I’m in sort of the same spot as you. All my three babies are close in age as you know. I’ve also had 2 miscarriages. We have used several forms of birth control, with only our first being “planned”.

    I completely feel like I have no control in this. lol So for *my* part, I have given my fertility to the lord.
    I personally can not use any form of birth control that can cause stroke because of my history of blood clots. I will not use another IUD because I miscarried from using one.
    I just felt so “stuck” in my decision. So I gave it to God.

    My husband… feels done. Feels SO done. lol I don’t. My heart doesn’t feel “full” yet. But I know that God will give me only what I can handle.
    My husband is ready to run for a snip. lol But he’s scared to death to do that too.
    Who knows what’s in store for the future.

  3. I think that you would KNOW if you were to have another one. I also think “a stupor of thought” or no answer means the answer is no. I dont want this to be true for you because I WANT you to have another(:

  4. I’m done when my body is done…period. But I have 7 and want more. I had my 7th a month shy of being 40, and I’m not afraid. We live very tight, but we have fun. I plan to not regret having any child. If I have more wonderful, if not, I will likely wish I had more but will get used to it and eventually I’ll have grandkids. I just love pregnancy, birth, and mothering.

  5. unlike the rest of you ladies, pregnancy is not so great for me but i am SO in the same boat with you sheridan. since loosing 45 lbs. my uterus has taken a turn for the worst!!!!! i could have more babies but it would be a NIGHTMARE! i don’t feel done and have prayed about it and begged my husband (who says we’re done) to make it a focus in his prayers. bottom line, i HAVE to feel right one way or another and i NEED to have peace on the subject. it has been an emotional week and really few months where this topic is concerned. if you want to know what’s really going on sendv me a message or call me i’ll be happy to fill you in. 🙂

  6. I think this is an issue that MANY women, especially Christians, struggle with.

    Since you are a Christian, i would encourage you to continue praying about this and absolutely read what the Bible has to say about children, blessings, and trusting the Lord.

    There’s a lot in there about those three topics combined!

    I want to caution you about relying on a feeling you get when you pray any certain way. The feeling you get should also match up with what scripture says. That way, you can know for sure that it is coming from God, and not ourselves. Ya know?

    For me and my husband, I first go to Proverbs 3:5 and I believe that verse includes all things with my life — including fertility. And then I read Psalm 127 and how God continues to view children as a blessing.

    And how whenever God wants to bless someone or a people, he gives them children — and when he curses a people, he makes them barren.

    It has only been until recent decades that families have sought to severely limit their family sizes. Some people argue that it is a result of modern birth control, but I disagree. Natural Family Planning has existed for centuries, and it can be pretty effective.

    So anyway, for our family, we are “done” when God has closed my womb and made it so that I can no longer bear children. We won’t be doing anything to get in His way.

    Some families who do this never have children, or perhaps have 2-3 and no more. And others have a vanload. God knows what we can handle, and he never gives us more than we can hack!

    If God is saying, “Yes, you are done having children,” then He will close your womb. I say that because that is backed up in Scripture. He is the author of life! And I am so thankful for that.

    Jacinda Reply:

    I have similar thoughts as Kacie.
    I am also where momtomany is!
    I also have developed some health concerns.
    Yet, I still conclude as Kacie…
    Thanks ladies for sharing.

  7. I have a lot of children. My youngest is an infant. I am struggling mightily with the notion of more. It isn’t the baby that is the hard part. It is the pregnancy and the time I have/need for my older children. Babies are easy. They are relaxing. They are the bright spot of my day. Balancing the needs of so many ages is HARD.

  8. I have wondered about this many times. I even wanted to write about it but never did. We’re only at our first and want a big family (which currently nature is opposing). We started out thinking we wanted four but as the LO arrived we knew we’d be happy with many many more. So when will we know that we’re done? Will we keep wanting more? When will I have had enough..

  9. That’s a really good question, Sheridan. We’re not there yet, so I don’t know. All you can do is keep seeking the Lord and He will let you know.

    Children are a blessing, and I feel that it is not the Lord’s will for us to limit family sizes for *selfish* reasons, but we should take into account in our decisions what we, as parents, can handle financially, emotionally, and physically.

  10. I think many women struggle with this subject.

    After our 4th was born, I was overwhelmed. My husband worked long hours and all I could think was, “what have I done?”

    (Not to be too personal, but) I was on the pill, we used prophylactics, AND my husband had a vasectomy two weeks after her birth. We weren’t taking any chances because we were both beyond DONE.

    BUT, after the depression lifted, it was a different story. I am so deeply grateful to God for giving me that child, because he clearly knew what was best for my family in the long term. That 4th child has brought so much joy into my life; I couldn’t imagine life without her.

    She is 5 now, and I would dearly love another one. I keep suggesting adoption to my husband, but he is adamant about no more children.

    I don’t know that I would ever be “done” because I love children so much. I don’t know if I am the exception or if I feel like most mothers.

    I wonder if there comes a time when we need to choose to appreciate what we have been given and stop asking for more?

    Only you and your husband know what is best for your family. I just wanted to share my experiences since you have been so open with yours. Good luck!

  11. i dont think ur done sheridan….u r a great mom…u need a girl;)

  12. Just came across this post. Thank you for sharing your heart, Sheridan; this is something that I’ve been thinking about and praying about for the past three years (ever since our youngest was born). My husband wants more (many more, really!) And I love babies, love them love them love them, love nursing them and holding them and wearing them and snuggling with them in the night. And I would dearly love a girl (we have three boys). But I’m taking an antidepressant that makes me a much better mother, and I’d have to stop if I were to get pregnant again. And pregnancy has always been difficult for me anyway, followed by PPD each time. I feel so torn, wanting to honor my husband’s wishes and love and enjoy a new baby, and yet being afraid of the difficulties of pregnancy/PPD and not being able to mother my boys the way that they need.

    I wonder why it is that God seems so silent when we ask him this question?


    It is so hard to know what the right choice is. I think taking into account your health is SO important when choosing whether to have another baby. You want to be able to be a good mother to the kids you already have. That is sometimes more important than anything else. Good luck with your choice.

  13. Wow, this is a hard question. I’m pregnant with my second now and I think two kids is enough. But maybe when they grow older and will be more independent (going to school, not wearing diapers, etc) I’ll have another one. I’ve always wanted 4. But this is something both members if the couple have to decide. If i don’t have to work in the future and we have enough money, I’ll certainly have 4 or even more! But I also want to have a personal life. I mean, I want to have time to work (or do whatever I like to do). Being a mom is simply great, but being a full time nanny of many kids is very stressing. You HAVE TO have a time for you and for your husband. Many things are lost if the only thing you do is take care of the kids. What about your personal goals in life? What about those romantic evenings with your loved one? It has to happen at least once or twice a week, otherwise your life will be very boring.
    These are just my thoughts. Thank you for reading 🙂


    It is a difficult thing to balance! I agree. Choosing to have another baby means less me time for sure.

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