How do you know when you are DONE having babies?

October 15, 2010 in Birth, Doula, Life-As, Parenting, Pregnancy

Parker!Creative Commons License photo credit: premieroctobre

With each of my boys I had a point where I just knew it was time to have a baby.  Each time I had to ease my husband into the idea.   I was always ready before him.   But because I had the strong impression it was time, I would encourage him to pray about it and he would soon come around and agree to help make a baby.  :)

I had PPD after Thing 2 was born, and so we waited a long time to have our third.  I just wasn’t emotionally or mentally ready for 4years.  I always KNEW we would have another baby, I just knew I needed that break between boys in order to stay sane.  It got to the point when I knew I was ready, but choosing to “try” was such a big decision.  So instead we chose to stop using birth control.  At first I was careful to avoid having sex when I ovulated, but after a few months I just really put it in the Lord’s hands and stopped thinking or worrying about it.

Then I was getting to the point where I was ready to try.  I remember sitting in Relief Society and watching the chorister who was pregnant and just feeling the overwhelming feeling of, “NOW is the time. I am ready and NOW is the time.”   I didn’t know it, but I was probably freshly pregnant at that meeting.

After Thing 3 was born we felt good, like our family was complete.  I knew I didn’t want another baby right away, but I love being pregnant and I love babies, so I just told myself, we are good for now.  Time will tell if we have another baby.   T3 is turning 5 next week and I am in this interesting position.

Most of my friends get to a point where they just KNOW they are done.  I have never felt DONE.  But is that because I love pregnancy and birth, or because I am supposed to have another baby????

My husband and I both do feel like our family is complete.  But I sort of don’t want to be done.  I love being pregnant, I enjoy birthing babies, I love the newborn stage.  I want to experience that magic again.

  • When I think and pray about if “we should try to have another baby”, that doesn’t feel right.
  • When I pray “we are done” it feels OK, but not like – YES you are done!

I think it is probably one of those things where it is up to us.

I like to stay open about it, I figure we are still having sex, even though we are using birth control we could get pregnant.  I don’t want to think “I am done” and then be shocked and “sad” if we “accidentally” get pregnant.  The last time I was praying about it, an insight flashed into my mind.  “I should just leave it up to the Lord.”  Maybe my body is done having babies and I shouldn’t TRY to have a baby.  That could be a big lesson in frustration for me.  But maybe I need to continue to be open to it and stop using birth control and just see what happens.  Turn it over to the Lord.

My husband does not like this idea.  He really feels we are done.  He thinks if we don’t use birth control, I will really be trying.  We are also getting “older”, over 40 and it scares him to be an older parent.  I think if we were 5 years younger it would somehow be easier to just go for it.

I have had a few friends have “surprise” pregnancies in their mid to late 40s, when their “youngest” was 10 or so when they got pregnant.  I keep praying, if I am supposed to have a baby, let me know, because I want to do it sooner rather than later!”  But still no answer, I really would like a solid yes or no answer!

So I don’t know the answer, I guess it is different for everyone.  As for me, I will keep on staying open and talking with my husband and as I always say, “Time will Tell.”

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