Advocating for yourself in birth and life and parenting

A very interesting post about Evan Handler (actor) and how his advocating for himself during his fight with leukemia saved his life many times.  His girlfriend also was there by his side watching out for him too.  He had a lot of near misses, with wrong medication, forging his doctors signature on things.  Crazy, but interesting stuff. 

It is interesting that he was considered a “bad” patient, but in reality it may have saved his life.

I think a good chunk of my job as a mom is spent advocating for my kids.  Well my oldest mostly as he has some special needs.  I just went to an IEP meeting at his school and was nervous before hand.  I knew what I wanted and knew it was reasonable, but knew they may fight me on it.  So I talked myself up for it before hand and thought, “This is like going to a birth, I know his rights and I am going to help stand up for him!”

I actually had to be HIS advocate before he was even born, with preterm labor and bedrest I realized my job was protecting him, keeping him safe.  I had an OB who was totally disregarding my concerns of increasing contractions and pelvic pressure at 26 weeks.  I knew I needed someone who would listen to ME.  I changed to a new OB.  It was stressful, but it was the right thing to do. 

When moms go to give birth, I think that if they can advocate for themselves and have support people advocating for them (be it their birth partner, doula, friend) this sets them up to believe in their power as a parent and then they have this experience as a springboard to jump off of into parenting.

Even how moms are treated as new moms can have a lasting effect as I posted in my Treating mother’s like children post. 

In the article about Handler, he was asked if he waited to long to fire a certain Doctor.  This is his reply.

Oh, yeah. Doctors had told me that I would be endangering my care if I switched doctors, but that advice was criminal. Look, the only way to change things is through the marketplace. Recently I needed to have something in my mouth looked at. The doctor performed a biopsy without lidocaine — just put a blade in my mouth and cut without telling me. I never went back, and I wrote him a three-page letter. You should leave a bad doctor, and if you have the energy, tell them why you left.

I think this is so powerful.  There was a fellow Hypnobabies Instructor who was treated very unkindly by a GYN at a visit regarding not a pregnancy issue.  We all sympathized with her and suported her in her decision to never return there.  But Kerry, our fearless leader added this…

I myself would be inclined to write the mean GYN a letter, explaining how rude and unprofessional she behaved and how it made you feel to be treated in such a way, etc. Explaining why you will no longer be using her or any of the other professionals there in the future is always good for Doctors (and anyone else) to hear, even if they don’t like the message. They know that if one person writes them that others do feel the same way and may never say anything. That’s why when I write letters like this to professionals, TV networks or newspapers, I always include:

 

Even if others have not said anything to you so far about this  issue, you can be assured that it does not mean they haven’t also felt the same way as I do and they may go away quietly, but they *will* go away. Please be willing to look at this issue as an important part of your own personal and professional growth, and see that you actions and words make an impact on others daily that can be very positive or very negative, and that actually matters. Make it positive.

I think this is powerful.  If you have a negative experience at an appointment, write a letter!  You are the consumer, you have the right to change providers and certainly the right to be treated with respect!