Fighting with Nurses during birth, doesn’t ruin this moms birth!

This is a Guest Post by Michelle!

My third birth story begins where my second birth ends. Our first two births were very similar. We followed the preferred standard of care for our local hospital including scheduled induction, artificial rupture of membranes, pitocin, epidural and episiotomy. Our first pregnancy was filled with many questions and concerns due to a blood clotting disorder that was diagnosed at 4 months. Because we were very focused on whether or not our son would be healthy there was very little planning for the delivery. And when our son was born without any problems we were focused on that blessing and forgot our birth.

At the beginning of my second pregnancy I remember glancing at information on natural births and thinking that I would “try” that, but keep an epidural as a possibility. But after pre-term labor at 32 weeks that included magnesium, bed rest and terbutaline I was ready to have my baby and my OB suggested another induction. But as soon as my daughter was born I remember feeling heavy, empty and lost. As they placed her in my arms I looked around the room hoping that someone would take her away and save us both. Rather than feelings of joy and strength I felt defeated and unworthy as a mother. All of these emotions came back to me as I watched my birth video and looked at photos from that day. I became determined to experience something richer with any future births. This started a deeply spiritual journey for me that brought me closer to God, my husband and my children.

We had not even had a positive pregnancy test when I started researching natural childbirth and searching for a doula. After my search came up empty for doula’s in my area I began looking at nearby areas. I luckily found Nicole Deelah, a doula and childbirth instructor who I contacted by email. She graciously responded even when I stated that I was not even pregnant yet. As soon as we had the positive test I contacted her again and we began the process of hiring her as our doula. Her blog was amazing and I soaked in each post, link and video. At this same time I began scanning the internet for information on natural birth.

I found a program called Hypnobabies and immediately knew it would be a great program for me. Becoming inwardly focused and relaxing has long been my way of coping with pain or stress. I ordered the program and started the home study course early in my pregnancy. I found it to be great for morning sickness and the discomforts of pregnancy. I also ordered Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth and read it back to back several times. I started feeling stronger as a woman and it carried over to my abilities as a mother.

Rather than allowing pregnancy to disable me I became stronger and stronger each day. I was determined that life in our home would only become more grounded and stable as we prepared for another little one. While all of these tools were essential to me preparing for a natural birth the most important focus in my life was on my relationship with God, scripture and prayer. FAITH became my mantra as I worked through fears, insecurity and the unknown of a natural birth. I memorized scripture that would lift me up and set me free. I selected one verse that I used frequently during my pregnancy, before doctors appointments and throughout my labor:
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again. Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7
While I knew that I was prepared and capable of a natural birth I also knew that I would have challenges with our local hospital. The standard of care that they were comfortable with and encouraged was not part of my plan. As I talked to my OB about this he was encouraging, but not completely supportive in the beginning. I immediately began to pray for his support and cooperation. Nathan also attended my appointments with me and was strong and vocal when I felt weak.

As my appointments went on we began to see a change and enthusiasm in my doctor. We wrote a birth plan which he signed willingly. We also took a private tour of the hospital letting them know our desires for birth. And we did one more thing that I believe made all of the difference in a successful natural birth, we prepared to stay home as long as possible before arriving at the hospital during my birthing time.

Attending the Wonderfully Made Childbirth class was the beginning of Nathan’s connection with natural birth. Hearing and seeing the facts, physiology, and truth of birth opened his eyes to my previous birth experiences and desire for natural birth. We made the classes part of a long weekend vacation and connected both physically and emotionally. We also met Lindsay and Rachael who would be our new doulas as Nicole prepared to move out of state. We came home feeling prepared and settled in waiting for the time our daughter would be born.

At 35 weeks my OB checked me and I was already 3 cm dilated. I was luckily not having any contractions, which I contribute to drinking tons of fluids and being physically active in the beginning of my pregnancy. At 38 weeks I was 4 cm dilated and we thought that labor would be here anytime. I started having some regular contraction patterns every evening that would end as soon as I went to bed. We started getting closer and closer to my due date and wondered when our time would come. A day after my due date my doula, Lindsay, called with some great advice from Nicole. She thought that my baby was probably in the wrong position and suggested the knee to chest position to help her align correctly. I tried the position that night and started feeling some menstrual like cramps during the night, which did leave me wondering if this could be it. The next morning my OB checked me and I was 5 cm, bag of water bulging, anterior cervix (which had been posterior at previous appointment) and 90% effaced. His nurse suggested that I be admitted to the hospital stating that, “most women would be thrilled to head over and start an induction”. Nathan responded that we would be going home. They did want us to do a stress test just to ensure that everything was okay and we agreed. After an hour on the monitor and only a couple sporadic contractions I was allowed to go home.

Nathan and I went to lunch before heading home and discussed our birth plan one more time. I also shared with him that I was having a hard time preparing mentally for going into labor. As my contractions had started each evening for the last couple of weeks I would nervously wish them away. I thought that if I could go home and focus on my birthing time things might progress. When we got home my mom took the kids upstairs to play and I finished packing my labor bag. Laundry, cleaning and a bath followed as slowly realized that labor might be here.

I was having some contractions and a little bloody show that was either from the doctor checking my dilation or the real thing. Nathan decided to call Lindsay since my cervix was anterior and we had agreed that once that happened I was probably going to go quickly. That was 2:30 and he agreed to call her back in an hour. An hour later we were timing my contractions and they were anywhere from 7-10 minutes apart and lasting just under a minute. I had been checking my own cervix for a couple of weeks and when I checked it again I realized that things were happening.

Nathan called Lindsay back and asked her to come when she was ready. My contractions continued and slowly reached 5 minutes apart.  There were still doubts that this may not be it.  I didn’t want to trouble everyone and then things let up.  The only regret I had later was that I didn’t leave myself enough time to call my dear friend, Nichole who had attended my two previous births.  At this time I decided to take a bath, but the water was cold from doing too much laundry so I decided I would take another one before we left for the hospital.

At 5:00 Nathan and I laid on the bed. He spooned me in our favorite position and the pressure of him from head to toe felt great. He rubbed my back during contractions and we relaxed together in between. At this time my labor picked up quickly. Until this time my hypnobabies kept me completely relaxed. But at this point I focused more on my body than on the Hypnobabies CD’s. We moved to the couch where the heating pad was plugged in and discussed a plan for getting Elizabeth to my mom’s. I asked him to get her out of bed right after a contraction let me kiss her and take her to mom’s as quickly as possible (she only lived a mile away) and then get back before another contraction comes. He didn’t make it back that quickly, but he only missed one contraction.

When he got back home I started asking about Lindsay and heading to the hospital. I think that this made him a little nervous and he called to see where Lindsay and Rachael were. They were getting close and I wanted to wait until they got there to make a decision about the hospital. The next few contractions were different. They were very powerful and I felt overwhelmed. Nathan let me know that they had pulled in the driveway and with my next contraction I started to vocalize through the most intense moments of the contraction.

When Lindsay and Rachael arrived they started timing my contractions and they were 2 minutes apart and lasting 1 1/2 minutes. I asked to take a hot bath (this was something I had been thinking about for months) before we left for the hospital. But they suggested that we go ahead and leave. I remembered that most people throw up during transition and I didn’t want to do that at the hospital or on the way so I went to the bathroom to try. Nothing happened so I worked my way to the back door. The contractions were so close together and lasting so long that I could only go a short distance before stopping for another one.

As I reached the car the most powerful contraction so far consumed my body and I started saying that I couldn’t do it anymore. We left the house at 6:15. The 10-minute car ride, which included 5 contractions lasted forever! Nathan called my doctor and let him know we were on the way. I later realized that I was having increasing pressure and the urge to push, but it was something that my mind had protected me from since I needed to be at the hospital before I started pushing.

As we arrived at the hospital the plan was for Nathan to let Lindsay and I out and he was going to park the car. But because I knew that this baby was coming soon I wanted Nathan to go with me. When we entered the hospital Nathan and a greeter asked if I wanted a wheel chair. I didn’t even answer them and headed towards the elevator. A nurse kept the door open for us and we headed up the second floor.

We passed the extended family of a newborn as we entered labor and delivery and I still remember their faces as they looked at me in horror. I actually thought that I was staying calm but it must have been apparent that I was in active labor. We entered labor and delivery and the nurses asked if they could help us and Nathan said, “yes, my wife is in labor”. You would have thought it was obvious to them. We entered the delivery room and the nurse asked me to take off my clothes and lay down on the bed to be monitored.

I got my pants off and attempted to lay down on the bed. But the contractions were one on top of the other and she couldn’t get the monitor on. She was very aggrivated and said that we had come for her to help us and we needed to let her do her job. I remember thinking that I have a more important job to complete! She checked me but didn’t tell us how far along I was.

She started asking me questions and Nathan attempted to answer them. At one point she came really close to my face and asked me a question. At that moment the voice on my Hynobabies CD had my attention and I turned her up as loud as possible. She left the room for a moment and Lindsay came in and asked how dilated I was and we told her we didn’t know (but I remember thinking that I hope I am pretty far along).

The nurse returned and started to give me an IV. I looked at her and told her that my doctor and I had decided that I didn’t have to have one, especially if I was far along. She angrily threw my IV fluids against the monitor and stormed out. One of my major fears was how the nurses would respond when I arrived at the hospital and even though we encountered two angry nurses it wasn’t as bad as I had imagined. Nathan asked another nurse who came in if we could have someone who was a little calmer and the nurse said that we had to realize how stressful it was for us to come in like this.

I only mention this because it is so important to be fully prepared before you go into labor.  If I had not been prepared for a natural birth I may have been pressured to appease the nurses rather than let them assist me.

I remember being thankful when my doctor arrived. He had a really great attitude and announced that I was 10 cm and ready to push. I immediately began to relax during my contractions and felt relieved. The nurse that delivered Carter (and a friend from high school) peeked in the room and I asked Nathan to see if she could be our nurse. It was shift change and she was getting ready to leave, but when our doctor asked her to come in she agreed.

She came in the room and looked directly at me saying that I could do this. Lindsay was also encouraging me and it was amazing to have women there supporting me. At one point she reached out and grabbed my hand and the coolness and gentleness of her hand was very calming. Nathan continued to massage my back and always knew what I needed. Lindsay helped to get me in a good upright position for pushing. My doctor told me that I was doing great and asked if I wanted him to break my water. He said that if I didn’t want to that she could be born in the bag and I remembered thinking that he was a pretty cool doc!

My doctor and nurse started their traditional counting to ten and I ignored them. I remembered that pushing in between contractions could prevent a tear so I focused on that. I felt her head moving down and Lindsay asked if I wanted to reach down and feel it. Reaching down and feeling her head was very empowering. I felt control for the first time since we arrived at the hospital and I think that the position I was in helped me to push more steadily.

At 7:00 pm exactly Lilah FAITH Noelle was peacefully born into this world. We had discussed waiting to clamp the cord, but due to routine the clamp was put on and we all looked at each other for a minute. But they quickly took it off and I held her while it pulsed. After her cord was cut they weighed her quickly and she was a healthy 8 lbs 11 ounces (much bigger than my other two). I didn’t have a single tear, which I credit to using evening primrose oil and doing perineum stretching during my pregnancy. She was brought to me and started nursing immediately.

I was shocked at the intensity of the contractions while nursing and asked Nathan to continue to rub my back. This was honestly the first pain I had felt. I would describe my entire birthing time up to this point as powerful, but do not remember pain. At this moment I realized Rachael had not made it into the room and Lindsay went to get her. She had been told that only two people were allowed in the room. We were very discouraged that she had not been allowed in to share this experience with us. But both of my doulas were great and stayed with me for a long time after the birth. It was great to sit and talk about what I had just experienced with women who have experienced it themselves. We talked about our children, birthing times and basically the amazing joy of life. I can only hope that I will be able to share this experience with other women who are searching for the amazing blessing of natural childbirth.