Inspiring VBAC – Pitocin

Sat, 5/14/2011 – 40w5d

About 12:10 AM, the nurse started my pitocin @ 2 milliunits. I was standing next to the bed when she did this (because sitting kept throwing off the monitors and, honestly, just wasn’t very comfortable) and instantly found myself leaning over the bed as a contraction hit me. The first two went fine. They were intense, but I managed. I was listening to Hypnobabies again, and it seemed to help me focus my attention away from my uterus. Then, I had another one. This one came on hard and fast, and it didn’t let go. I started having flashbacks to my first labor when the nurses had messed up my pump while trying to hang my antibiotics, and I had a 3 minute long contraction during which I lost all control. It happened again. I started crying to Joel that it wasn’t going away. I started to doubt myself, and panic a little. I was only on my third contraction (with very little pitocin) and I was losing it. I kept wondering how it could be that bad so fast. I couldn’t hold still, which means the monitors were not staying in place (but I didn’t care). I tried sitting on my ball while leaning on the bed, standing and leaning on the bed, getting up on my tip toes and leaning on the bed, nothing was helping. I asked Joel for counter pressure, but his hands on me felt worse than the contraction on its own.

I think I pushed the call button or something, but soon the nurse was in my room turning off the pitocin. I wanted to hug her for that. I thought they were turning off the pitocin because of the insanity of the contraction (it had to have lasted several minutes), but I later found out it was because I wasn’t holding still for the monitor to be able to read. I continued to have contractions (on my own), but they were much less intense (easy compared to what I had just done) and were pretty far apart.

Sometime after 1 AM, Nichole and Christine arrived. I had my back to the door, but I felt their presence during the contraction I was having. I also felt a sense of relief and it was almost like the atmosphere in the room completely changed. I wanted Joel there, and participating, but I NEEDED these women. They had been in my shoes, and they knew exactly what I needed to hear and feel.

After a little while, Christine brought to our attention that the contractions were really far apart. I think she specifically said I hadn’t had one since the one I was having when they walked in, and that they needed to be closer together for a baby to come. I didn’t like hearing that (I won’t lie), but I knew she was right. If this was going to happen eventually, we might as well make it happen. Joel called Anjli (she had us call her directly if we needed anything instead of going through the nurse) and told her that I had only been on the pit for 20 minutes, and it had been off for almost 45 minutes at this point. She explained that it had been stopped because of the lack of monitoring and that she would take care of it.

My nurse came in shortly after and got Waffle back on the monitor, and the pitocin was re-started at 2 milliunits around 1:30 AM (and was increased once, to 4, but I don’t know when). The next few hours are a big blur, as I was most definitely in “labor land”. I stood and leaned over the bed for some contractions (which felt like having cramps and a giant balloon blown up in my pelvis simultaneously), but after a while the only thing that seemed comfortable was to kneel on the bed and lean over the back onto my pillows. I accompanied this with increasingly loud moaning ( which turned into roaring and left me hoarse the next day). It felt so good! Christine and Nichole took turns putting counter pressure on my sacrum, which felt so awesome and really made the discomfort of the contractions nearly disappear. Christine also spent a lot of time reminding me to moan in low tones, which was really helpful. Another tool in my bag (o’ tricks) that became essential was my sack of cherry pits. I had this sack for about 9 or 10 years, and it was perfect for this situation. The heat felt great on my sacrum, and I would be anxious for it to return when they had to warm it up (Joel proof-read this and wanted me to make sure that I mentioned that HE was the primary warmer of the bag of pits).

(My AWESOME doulas, doing their thing!)

Every hour, my doulas would diligently remind me it was time to get uncomfortable and go to the bathroom again. That was hard. It probably would have been less of an ordeal if I didn’t have to take cords and an IV pump with me, but we made it work. They would warn me that we were going to go after the next contraction, and they would have everything unplugged and ready to go, which helped a lot. Really, the worst part of it was the toilet itself. It was so uncomfortable (they should pad those things!), and I would have multiple, close contractions while I was sitting there. Then, when I finally got up, that would cause a contraction, too! While making my way back to the bed on one trip, I couldn’t even make it from the toilet to the sink (maybe 3 feet) without having another contraction. I remember that one, specifically. I buried my face onto the nice, cold counter top and was standing on my tip toes. It reminded me of a birth story I had heard the week before at a Red Tent event, and the woman had mentioned that she was a “tip toe pusher” and would do this involuntarily. I mentioned the story to whomever might have been listening (but it wasn’t aimed at anyone in particular).

The monitor was an interesting experience, and something I feel is worth mentioning. Remember how I said Waffle didn’t like being monitored when we had the NST? Well, she still didn’t like it in labor. After the pit was turned on the second time, I would have to hold the monitor firmly to my body every so often so that there would be a good 15-20 seconds of monitoring. Apparently this was enough because the nurse never bothered me about it (or at least not enough that it is part of my memory of the events). The contraction monitor didn’t work right, either. It could perfectly capture any of the contractions I had on my own, but once the pitocin was turned on it never budged. On paper it looked like nothing was happening. If it wasn’t for my doulas timing the contractions (which were instantly qualifying as active labor), no one would have known what was going on.

All in all, I really loved my labor experience (I even liked my first one on maxed-out pit, so it didn’t surprise me that I was having a good time). I was in “labor land”, but I also felt like I was present in the room (which is what I wanted). I didn’t want to be completely in my own little world, I wanted to have a party! That may explain why I decided I needed 4 people to help me have this baby (and another to document the event). I enjoyed the moments at the end of contractions (and between them) when I could add some commentary to the conversation. The rest of my “good time” happened in my head (as it seemed to do during my first birth).

I have to throw in a note about what my husband was doing during all of this. When the doulas first arrived, I think he felt relieved and just stood back and watched. At some point, when things were really intense, he came over to my left side, put his hand gently on my back, and bent over next to my head and told me what a great job I was doing. It was exactly what I needed him to do. I remember a few tears of relief being released when he would do this, and I felt my body relax. We had talked about using the Hypnobabies cue, “Release” to remind me to relax and let my body do its job. He would say it, and I would refocus and really feel myself give in to the process.

At some point, I was leaning over the back of the bed during a contraction when I noticed that my right thigh was shaking a little bit. It felt more like twitches, so I didn’t think anyone noticed. I figured it was from being in the same position for so long. At the same time this was happening, I started to feel just a tiny bit nauseous. I debated (in my head) whether or not to tell anyone or ask for a bucket, but then I decided that if I didn’t say anything it would just go away. In my head, I was thinking that shaking and nausea are signs of transition, but I quickly pushed that thought out of my head because I knew I hadn’t been laboring very long (and my first labor had gone 15 hours with very little progress, so what did I know?). Then a couple contractions later, I started shaking a little bit more. I heard Nichole (not so discreetly) say to Christine, “Do you see that? She’s shaking.” I thought to myself, “She thinks I’m in transition! There’s no way that can be possible, it hasn’t been long enough!”

I think this may have been the point where I asked what time it was (trying to get a gauge on how fast things were moving). They told me it was “early morning.” To me, this seemed like someone knew that I was thinking about how fast things were going, and they were avoiding giving me an actual answer to keep me from thinking so much. I asked again. Someone told me it was 4 AM.