I recently found the journal I kept after T1 was born.

He was born 1/2/98 at 34 weeks via emergency cesarean due to being under distress.  I had woken up one morning and noticed he wasn’t moving and went in to get checked.  Being aware of his movements saved his life.

He was 4 pounds 3 ounces and 18 inches long.   I briefly held him after he was born and then didn’t hold him again til more than 24 hours after he was born.

I thought I would take a break from most of my normal posts and do a series in honor of his 13th birthday, I will post what I wrote in my journal 13 years ago for the next few days.

You can see my short journey through the NICU and I will also add my thoughts as I look back.

I didn’t start writing until the 7th.  I think that I went home from the hospital on the 6th.  So this journal was a way for me to feel connected to him, even though we spent most of our days miles apart.  It was also a place to write questions and answers.

1/7/98

T1 started eating again!

We visited with Nana at 3PM for feeding.  (I was so very lucky that my mom was able to come and spend a few weeks with us after he was born.  She drove me to the hospital and helped take care of me!) He ate quickly and then I held him.  We stopped by Babies R Us and I cried at the end because I was tired.  (My mom and I still laugh about this.  I was in the wheelchair and she was pushing me and kept crashing into things.  I can’t remember why I cried, I know it was just from exhaustion.  But whenever my mom is pushing a shopping cart and crashes into something we remember this.)

Rob and I went in for the 9 o’clock feeding.  He ate well again.  9 ml.  I’ve been pumping, so he is eating my milk which should be easier to digest.  It makes me feel good to provide him his food. (It was so important to me to be able to breastfeed and pumping was so mentally good for me.  I felt like I was doing SOMETHING.)

Rob held him for awhile while he slept after he ate.  We stayed for only about 30 minutes then headed home.  I get tired easily still.