What if they don't listen?

 Let’s face it some moms don’t want a vaginal birth and that is OK.  Some moms do, but are not willing or able to put the effort into it.  Because we know in some cases it does take a lot of extra work or time. 

I have a great group of friends at church.  Many of us have had VBAC’s.  It is kind of cool to hang out and talk about things.   We had 3 friends in this group who had primary cesareans and were expecting their 2^nd babies.   At first they were all planning on having a repeat cesarean.   

The first had NO interest in having a VBAC.  I talked to her about it and tried to share some information.  Finally she said, “Sheridan  I have no desire to have a vaginal birth.  I know for you it is important.  It isn’t for me.  I really was fine with my cesarean and I like being able to schedule this birth.”  Well, that put me in my place.  I was grateful for her honesty and I am sure she was grateful I stopped talking to her about having a VBAC.  J 

The second friend was somewhat interested in a VBAC after talking to all of us who had VBACs.  Her OB was supportive of a VBAC,  I lent her some books, answered questions… etc.  She ended up planning on having a VBAC, but as the birth drew near, her mom could only come for a certain week, so she chose to have a repeat cesarean.  I admit I was disappointed at first, it was hard for me to understand that.  But then I reminded myself it was her choice and it wasn’t worth it to her to put the extra effort into having a VBAC.  That is OK, I needed to accept that.  

The 3^rd also was interested in a VBAC after hearing our experiences.   She had a supportive OB and was VERY dedicated to having a VBAC.  I started teaching Hypnobabies when she was pregnant and she was in my first class, strictly because I made her take it.  J  She ended up having a wonderful VBAC!

So in all 3 of these cases, I shared information and support.  1 out of 3 had a VBAC, but 3 out of 3 remained my friends.   I learned about the importance of having choices, accepting others choices and still offering support if I didn’t completely understand their decisions.  

Last related post:  What can we do to change the system?