It sometimes feels like no one does.

Moms who have experienced a traumatic birth need special support after. Often friends and family are not aware of how to provide this.

My first birth was a surprise emergency cesarean at 34 weeks. It was scary and traumatic to me, my husband and my baby. The friends I had did not know how to support me through this.

What’s the big deal?

They acted as if I was blowing things out of proportion. My baby was born and we were both alright, so what was the big deal?

It was a huge deal to me and I wondered if maybe I was crazy that it affected me so deeply.

I was NOT crazy and neither are you!

I thought maybe I was crazy until I read an amazing talk called Helping Parents Cope with a High-Risk Birth: Terror, Grief, Impotence and Anger. by, Michael T. Hynan, Ph.D. University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee

I will make one point again and again today, and I’ll start now. During a high-risk birth the crazy, mixed- up feelings of … parents are a natural and normal reaction to incredible stress. When I talk to groups of high- risk parents, I feel like I am addressing a meeting of the veterans of the baby wars. If you have been in the life and death battlefield of the NICU, you are going to be disorganized and upset for months- – some of us for years.

We feel crazy, and we want to return to normal quickly. But that is the worst thing we can try to do, because we can’t stop or reverse the natural, healing process of our emotional reactions without doing damage to ourselves. The only things that are normal for high- risk parents are terror, grief, impotence, and anger (plus assorted other feelings like guilt, frustration, jealousy, and intense fatigue). And experiencing these lousy emotions are signs that we parents are doing well, not poorly.

What I had experienced was very traumatic and what I was feeling was normal. It wasn’t fun, but it was important to deal with what happened to me. I found some outside support and continued my healing process. I will be honest and admit it took about 10 years to feel completely healed and be at a point where I could completely enjoy Devon’s birthday without remembering with sadness his birth.